Motivations

The Lord is working me over regarding my motivations.  I feel a certain calling to ministry, and sometimes have a sense about where God is leading me and my family.  But the question comes up: “why do I want to do this [particular ministry]?”  In my honest moments, I must admit that part of my motivation is to be known, to be vindicated–in essence, to be famous.  This has been a particularly painful revelation, as I know the hazards of being double-minded.

God even spoke to me through a movie I saw recently: “The First Knight.”  Sean Connery is King Arthur, and Richard Gere is Lancelot.  Lancelot falls in love with queen-to-be Guinevere, and proceeds to attempt to win her, despite her pleas to respect her honor.  Lancelot then accepts a position at the Round Table with mixed motivations.  He wants to serve the King, but is really there to win Guinevere.

But he responds to the love of the King, and even finds some degree of healing for his deepest wounds and fears through his service of the King.  But when the opportunity presents itself, his original desire manifests.  Lancelot and Guinevere are caught in a passionate kiss, and the betrayal is complete.

However, through repentance and the surprising grace of the King, they are restored and actually inherit the kingdom.  Lancelot eventually got his desire, but only after he became a whole-hearted son of the King.

Father, I repent of any desire to get credit, to be famous, or to be vindicated.  May my love for you be pure and whole-hearted.  May I be a faithful son of the King.

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